Seeing the One in the Crowd

Each weekend people come through our church doors and file into the seats. Some regular faces and others we’ve never seen before. We have roughly 90 minutes to connect with them before it’s time for them to leave and the next two, three, or four more groups rotate through. We hope that in those precious minutes they felt welcomed, loved, and encouraged. That the message taught them more about the Lord and the principles from His word. That through relationships, serving, and the sermon, they were inspired to draw closer to Jesus and walk in their purpose. And while that does happen for many every weekend, we know that there are others who slip through the cracks. It is often the ones we don’t see that are hurting or struggling the most. They feel shame or don’t believe they are worthy of the attention. 

How do we as pastors and church leaders see the one who is struggling? 

How do we see:

• The one who just went through a divorce and is trying to navigate life as an older single. 

• The one silently suffering through infertility and multiple miscarriages. 

• The one who is still grieving the loss of their spouse and not sure where they fit as a widow in a crowd of couples and young families. 

• The one plagued by shame after an affair.

• The one whose loved one overdosed or committed suicide.

• The one who is trying to raise teenagers in the increasingly secular culture.

• The one who is struggling with an addiction, their sexuality or identity.

Before we can help them, before we can get them connected, we need to see them. Jesus valued seeing the one. He gave what is arguably his most famous message to one person (see John 3). He often stopped where He was going or what He was doing to be present with the person before Him. How can we as pastors and leaders do the same?

1. Prepare for the one before the weekend experience

Ask the Lord to help you see the one
Prayer is powerful in helping our hearts align to God’s, asking to see people through His eyes. You will be surprised at how faces will stand out to you in a crowd on the heels of this kind of prayer.

Decide to be intentional in seeing the one
Just as we are intentional about taking, counting, and reviewing the offering and attendance numbers, we can be intentional in creating time and space to see someone new each week.

• Celebrate and share stories regularly in team meetings that reinforce one on one interactions.

Show that the one is welcome

The first opportunity we have to see people and help them feel seen is long before they are on our church campus. It’s through our church website.

• Review your website, ask yourself “Does it make people feel seen?

  • Who is featured in the photos?

  • Do they show a picture of the whole Church? (Young, old, blended families, singles, the beautiful ethnic diversity God created, etc).

  • Does it help people know what they will experience when they come for the first time?

  • Is the language easy to understand or challenging with insider language?

  • Is an icon to receive “prayer” as easy to find as the one to “give”?

For those who communicate from the platform

Prepare your message for the one

• Evaluate how the message will touch the categories of people listed above. Think of at least ten different situations people may be facing and put names with each one. Evaluate how your message speaks to them and the issue they are facing.

• Evaluate where your personal illustrations or stories may isolate a segment of your population.

  • A growing segment of the church is single (never married, divorced or widowed). When talking about relationships, if you married your childhood sweetheart, possibly address the single, divorced or widowed.

  • When referring to families, do you see the blended family, single parent household, foster family, the one who just adopted a child? Engage the empty nester, the one estranged from their children or grandchildren. Empathize with the one whose child is questioning their sexuality, just had an abortion or is struggling with an addiction.

• Bring in other voices from time to time to speak to those perspectives you are not experienced in.

• If you give a challenge, recognize that not everyone is in a space to be ready for that challenge, and that’s okay.

2. Engage the one during the weekend experience

Review and adjust where people are greeted

Is the only place people are greeted at the doors? Our intention to SEE people starts in the parking lot. Consider adding a engagement element in the follow areas:

• Coach Parkers to see the parent who is trying to get three kids out of the car.

• Coach Hosts/Greeters to pay attention to who is walking in by themselves.

• Coach Ushers to connect with the person sitting in the auditorium by themselves.

• Coach Kid’s Check-in to support the new parent dropping off kids.

• Coach Hospitality to engage the young adult in line for coffee.

Have conversations instead of simply greeting or waving

In locations such as connect tables, coffee stations, and throughout the lobby, have team members intentionally looking for people to connect with.

• Retrain the Guest Experience teams with conversational strategies.

  • Always introduce yourself first.

  • Rather than asking “is this your first time?” ask “How long have you been coming? (There is nothing worse than thinking someone is here for the first time and finding out they’ve been coming for weeks or months.)

  • How did you first hear about our church and what’s kept you coming back?

  • I would love to hear more of your story. (If time permits or at a later time)

  • How can I help you?

  • Have you had an opportunity to connect through small groups or a ministry team?

  • How can I pray for you?

Some potential phrases to say to let someone know they are seen.

• I’m in this with you.

• You are not alone. We are with you.

• God has not given up on you and neither have I.

• You have value.

• You bring value.

• You are enough.

• I love you just the same. I respect and admire you even more for having the courage to share what you just did.

Provide opportunities for prayer and ministry during or after the service.

• Establish a consistent, non-threatening space for people to go for prayer or support.

• Extend an invitation at the end of every service for people to go to that space.

3. Connect the one after the weekend experience

Create opportunities for ministry and connection

• Make Connection Pathways clear and consistent (Click here to check out our Connections Resource).

• Tailor the connection point for the need of the individual.

  • Small Groups (specific demographic: Single, Married, etc.)

  • Celebrate Recovery or Freedom

  • Grief Care

  • Divorce Care

  • Care and support for others groups with specific circumstances or needs (i.e. widows, single parents, etc)

Infuse cultural habits that reinforce personal connections with someone new each week

• Pray over some of the prayer requests from the weekend and send them a note.

• Call, text or leave a voice memo for someone with a word of encouragement.

• Visit one of your leaders at their company or place of employment.

• Have dinner with a young family after the first few weeks of school.

• Have a round table with junior high and high school parents. Ask what conversations are coming up and the issues their kids are facing.

• Pray over the people following your church on social media.

• Invite a colleague to join you and go visit people in the hospital.

• Write one card to someone each week.

• Respond to the people in your life waiting to hear back from you via text, email or phone call.

Share stories of people, so others can relate to them and see what God is doing.

• Create a system for identifying, collecting and celebrating life change stories.